Cars

Every vehicle I’ve ever owned, in chronological order:

1984 Mercedes-Benz 300D

My daily driver for seven years. Drove across the country many times; still sitting in my parent’s field; will be resurrected one day.

1987 Plymouth Voyager

Bought at local college auction for $240. Reupholstered with leopard print, Sharpie art, gold paint, gold under lighting in the wheel wells, and put a women’s soccer trophy as hood ornament. Sold for $100, a PlayStation 2, and 17 games.

2008 Suzuki G500

I bought this because diesel was getting expensive, and I needed a cheap way to get around. Bored-out 600cc, chopped the seat and converted it to a naked street fighter. Flipped it while trying to do an ill-advised wheelie. Rebuilt the front triple. Bought for $2400. Sold for $1000, a Colt M4, and a 9mm.

2004 BMW 530i

Drove this as my daily driver for almost seven years. Probably the cheapest way to get to 155mph. I don’t really miss it, but it was a cool car when you’re young.

2006 BMW 325i

Probably one of the most reliably boring cars I’ve ever owned. Sold at 310,000 miles (original engine and transmission).

2012 Mercedes-Benz E550 Coupe

My first legitimately fast car: 4.7 liter V8 biturbo, 420 horsepower, top speed 188 mph. One of my favorite cars of all time. I got into way too much trouble in this thing so I sold it to my brother, who totaled it in a parking lot.

1972 Volkswagen Super Beetle

I completely restored this ancient beetle and converted it into a rally-style baja buggy, with a bored-out 1776cc engine, push-button start, dual Weber 134 ICT carbs, Bosch 009 distributor, glasspack exhaust, Pertronix electronic ignition, General Grabber AT/2 tires, powered seats from a Porsche 996, Rally+ Sport tapered lift spring, custom welded bumper, and baja side bars.

And a 5-speaker 100w rear shelf with 10” subwoofer.

2017 Mercedes-Benz GLA250 4MATIC

This was a decent car but it was sort of what a lesbian couple would drive if they could afford something nicer than a Subaru.

2003 Mercedes-Benz G500

My daily commuter: Starlink, ORC rock sliders, Front Runner rack, ladder, rifle case, 2 meter/70cm ham radio, Hella lights/horn, rear storage/full-size mattress platform, Falken Wild Peaks.

2020 Porsche Cayenne

What Anya gets groceries in.